5 Steps towards Body Positivity.

It’s that time of year where all the ‘New Year, New Me’ fucktard stuff gets thrown around on the internet. So I thought, I would join in. This is the only New Year’s resolution I’m having this year and I really think it should be one for your list too. ‘Be more body positive’. I’ve written out some steps to help you as best I can. (Basically this is just me avoiding dieting because I believe Dorito’s and Guacamole to be better than sex.)

Step One. Understand what ‘body positivity’ is.

Body Positivity is a response to a culture that has conditioned us into thinking that white, skinny, tall, big breasted, long hair is beautiful and everything else is not quite as good. It’s fighting back against the belief that plus size is ugly, that lumps and bumps are gross and muscle means man. Basically, in short, Body Positivity is calling out the bullshit. It’s not about being curvy, or being plus size, or being short, or being tall. It’s about loving the skin you’re in, no matter what skin that happens to be. Being body positive doesn’t mean you’re never allowed to diet or wear make-up or change the way you look. It’s about learning to find the beauty in you and what you have and giving the middle finger to anything that challenges self-love. I.e. women’s magazines (don’t get me started)

Step Two. Begin with the end in sight.

If you’re about to go on a diet, the best advice I can give is to envision yourself at the end. Look at yourself once you’ve lost the weight and ask yourself honestly how you feel. Do you feel happier being a stone lighter? Has this changed your life? Can you do more things now you’ve lost weight? IF yes, then great, lose weight. But really understand before you do anything if it’s actually what you want to do and not what you think you need to do. So many people set themselves goals and by the end of it they realise it’s not actually what they wanted. Some people are happier being a few sizes bigger. Dieting shouldn’t be hard, if you really really want to lose the weight you should be able to do it. If you’re finding dieting an uphill battle every time you attempt it, then stop. Stop and think about what you actually want and what makes you happy. If you need to lose weight for health reason then don’t diet, change your lifestyle, cut out the bad stuff. There’s no need to go to extremes.

Step three. Stalk yourself.

This one sounds weird BUT there’s no better way to learn to love you than stalking yourself. Think about all those girls you stalk in Instagram for ages (don’t lie and pretend you don’t, we all do). You sit in awe at how great their selfies look followed by that shit yourself feeling when you accidentally double tap. Look through your own social media accounts and find pictures you like, I bet you’ll find more than you think. Go back to a time you thought were ‘prettier’ or ‘skinnier’. Now think about if you were happier or not. I look back on photos where I weigh a stone less. It makes me feel so bloody shit but then I know how I felt back then and I wasn’t any happier, I still wasn’t happy about the way I looked. I was a twat that didn’t realise she had abs of steel and an ass that kept on giving.  Now instead of concentrating on the way I look in each photo I’ve picked up the ability to look at the way I’m feeling. Once you master that it’s pretty great and you’ll untag far less photos.

Step four. Own your flaws.

I’ve found that talking openly about my flaws makes it easier for me to accept them. Especially as when I tell people about them they either have never noticed, or have the exact same flaws. It’s always great when you confide in a girl about your cellulite and her reply is “Oh my god I have the same problem”, I mean it’s kinda messed up but it feels good! Once you recognise your flaws you can learn to love them, if not love then at least grow fond of them. My knees for example, I have no knees. I’m not being modest or fishing for compliments, they do not exist, where my knees should be is just a mound of wrinkled fat. No matter how much weight I lose I will never have knees. I’ve learnt to love my cushions knee replacements though, I mean if I ever need to knee a guy in the cock I know that I won’t do much damage. Guys can sleep easy at night knowing that I have chubby knees. Another thing worth doing is finding people, maybe even celebs with similar flaws. I used to feel a bit funny about my stubby fingers until I watched a clip of Elizabeth Taylor laughing about her stubby fingers, my God I have never complained about them again.

Finally. Step five. Know your triggers.

That sounds a bit weird and like you’re the hulk or something. Basically what I mean is what triggers you into feeling shit about your body? Is it when you go clubbing? When you see models in magazines? When you scroll Instagram? Find these triggers and either create a way of you not having to face that or a way to control it and turn it into something positive. For example I used to follow soooooo many insta hot girls, I was obsessed, I loved their style and their make-up HOWEVER every time I saw one I felt awful about the way I looked. So, I unfollowed them all and followed girls that inspired me to think positively, some of these also happen to be super-hot but it’s a very different message they’re promoting. I also used to feel shit when I got tagged in photos, to the point where I deleted Facebook. SILLY SOPHIE. You’re not going to look good in every photo but if you’re feeling good and smiling you will always love it. Most my photos were me pulling a funny gurning face so I had an excuse to look ugly. I know I’m not the only girl that does this. Now I learn to just smile and not worry about the outcome but just enjoy that moment.

I hope this was a little bit helpful and a push in the right direction. If it wasn’t, well, I did write this quite late with my cat lying across my right arm but my intentions were that of purity and love. 

“Now every girl is expected to have Caucasian blue eyes, full Spanish lips, a classic button nose, hairless Asian skin with a California tan, a Jamaican dance hall ass, long Swedish legs, small Japanese feet, the abs of a lesbian gym owner, the hips of a nine-year-old boy, the arms of Michelle Obama, and doll tits. The person closest to actually achieving this look is Kim Kardashian, who, as we know, was made by Russian scientists to sabotage our athletes.” – Tina Fey. 

An open letter to my 15 year old self.

Dear 15 year old Sophie (known back then as 'Little Soph')

Firstly, I would like to say, you are great. Stop looking in the mirror and feeling shit about yourself, stop letting people be mean to you because you don't believe you deserve any better and for heavens sake, please STOP plucking your eyebrows.

Right now you feel shit, you don't have a close network of friends but don't worry, because by your twenties you will have the greatest friends any girl would wish for. They will be your rock, they will keep you grounded and they will lift you through your darkest times. Remember to treat them with respect and love them unconditionally like they have done to you. You will need them one day more than you ever thought you could need another human being.

Not all boys are wankers. You're about to experience your first ever heart break and it's not the one you imagined, you will find yourself in a horrible and mentally abusive relationship that will tear you apart and leave you adrift from your family. You'll be forced to lie to your family and friends and pretend everything's okay when it's far from okay. This will not end you, you will feel shit for ages and it will change the way you are but ultimately it's what's made you the strong woman you are now. Don't judge all boys on a previous boys standards and morals. Some are really nice and you will be lucky enough to be with some of them. You'll be a prick to them obviously because you're kind of an idiot but I forgive you.

Realise how great your brother is. There will come a day where you will no longer have him in your life. You will feel pain like no other and he will not be there to help you. He may punch you, he may annoy you, he will call you greebo and say you have a mono-brow. In your constant battle with each other you may forget that he helped raise you at times. He babysat you, fed you, helped you when you were sad and looked out for you without you finding out. He is a truly great person and without him you would not be the woman you are now. Cling on to every single second you have with your big brother and love him with every inch of your heart.

Your mum is not your enemy. Stop being so bloody dramatic. You may not have the best relationship with your mum but you are not the only one. You may think that by not letting you out with all the other kids to the underage clubs she is oppressing you but trust me, you've turned out great. Making you do chores from an early age has led you to become a very independent woman, shes the reason you are a feminist and she is the reason you're alright at cooking. You will come to realise how hard it is bringing up two children alone and the troubles she had to face. She's felt more pain than you will ever imagine but would take the burden of yours in an instant. Give her a hug once in a while because birthdays and Christmas's is not enough. Don't be afraid to tell her how you're feeling because every now and then she dishes out good advice. Don't spill stuff on your carpet because she will fucking destroy you. Also, she knows you smoke so just stop spraying Charlie Red. It's disgusting.

Do nice things for people. You will come across a lot of people who are less fortunate than you, always be there for them and try to help them however you can. Do not judge people for what they wear, how they speak or who they associate with. Always take people at face value because that is how you will get through life and make all those amazing friends you now have.

Your boobs grow, at one point they grow really big and it's amazing. They will then shrink again.

You get your braces off eventually but you still feel ugly. Stop being such a baby.

I hate to break it to you but you do not stop getting spots after your teenage years, in fact you get so hormonal  that you get more spots, then you move out and eat shit and get a little bit podgy too. You don't care though because looks aren't everything. Be wonderful inside and it will show on the outside.

Finally, I don't say it enough, but you're okay. You're full of self loathing but have no reason to be. Don't panic over not being the funniest, prettiest, smartest girl in the room. The only person judging you is yourself, relax, be happy and don't take shit from arseholes.

Love from, 23 year old Sophie (known as Sophie because that's my name, you idiot)