5 Steps towards Body Positivity.

It’s that time of year where all the ‘New Year, New Me’ fucktard stuff gets thrown around on the internet. So I thought, I would join in. This is the only New Year’s resolution I’m having this year and I really think it should be one for your list too. ‘Be more body positive’. I’ve written out some steps to help you as best I can. (Basically this is just me avoiding dieting because I believe Dorito’s and Guacamole to be better than sex.)

Step One. Understand what ‘body positivity’ is.

Body Positivity is a response to a culture that has conditioned us into thinking that white, skinny, tall, big breasted, long hair is beautiful and everything else is not quite as good. It’s fighting back against the belief that plus size is ugly, that lumps and bumps are gross and muscle means man. Basically, in short, Body Positivity is calling out the bullshit. It’s not about being curvy, or being plus size, or being short, or being tall. It’s about loving the skin you’re in, no matter what skin that happens to be. Being body positive doesn’t mean you’re never allowed to diet or wear make-up or change the way you look. It’s about learning to find the beauty in you and what you have and giving the middle finger to anything that challenges self-love. I.e. women’s magazines (don’t get me started)

Step Two. Begin with the end in sight.

If you’re about to go on a diet, the best advice I can give is to envision yourself at the end. Look at yourself once you’ve lost the weight and ask yourself honestly how you feel. Do you feel happier being a stone lighter? Has this changed your life? Can you do more things now you’ve lost weight? IF yes, then great, lose weight. But really understand before you do anything if it’s actually what you want to do and not what you think you need to do. So many people set themselves goals and by the end of it they realise it’s not actually what they wanted. Some people are happier being a few sizes bigger. Dieting shouldn’t be hard, if you really really want to lose the weight you should be able to do it. If you’re finding dieting an uphill battle every time you attempt it, then stop. Stop and think about what you actually want and what makes you happy. If you need to lose weight for health reason then don’t diet, change your lifestyle, cut out the bad stuff. There’s no need to go to extremes.

Step three. Stalk yourself.

This one sounds weird BUT there’s no better way to learn to love you than stalking yourself. Think about all those girls you stalk in Instagram for ages (don’t lie and pretend you don’t, we all do). You sit in awe at how great their selfies look followed by that shit yourself feeling when you accidentally double tap. Look through your own social media accounts and find pictures you like, I bet you’ll find more than you think. Go back to a time you thought were ‘prettier’ or ‘skinnier’. Now think about if you were happier or not. I look back on photos where I weigh a stone less. It makes me feel so bloody shit but then I know how I felt back then and I wasn’t any happier, I still wasn’t happy about the way I looked. I was a twat that didn’t realise she had abs of steel and an ass that kept on giving.  Now instead of concentrating on the way I look in each photo I’ve picked up the ability to look at the way I’m feeling. Once you master that it’s pretty great and you’ll untag far less photos.

Step four. Own your flaws.

I’ve found that talking openly about my flaws makes it easier for me to accept them. Especially as when I tell people about them they either have never noticed, or have the exact same flaws. It’s always great when you confide in a girl about your cellulite and her reply is “Oh my god I have the same problem”, I mean it’s kinda messed up but it feels good! Once you recognise your flaws you can learn to love them, if not love then at least grow fond of them. My knees for example, I have no knees. I’m not being modest or fishing for compliments, they do not exist, where my knees should be is just a mound of wrinkled fat. No matter how much weight I lose I will never have knees. I’ve learnt to love my cushions knee replacements though, I mean if I ever need to knee a guy in the cock I know that I won’t do much damage. Guys can sleep easy at night knowing that I have chubby knees. Another thing worth doing is finding people, maybe even celebs with similar flaws. I used to feel a bit funny about my stubby fingers until I watched a clip of Elizabeth Taylor laughing about her stubby fingers, my God I have never complained about them again.

Finally. Step five. Know your triggers.

That sounds a bit weird and like you’re the hulk or something. Basically what I mean is what triggers you into feeling shit about your body? Is it when you go clubbing? When you see models in magazines? When you scroll Instagram? Find these triggers and either create a way of you not having to face that or a way to control it and turn it into something positive. For example I used to follow soooooo many insta hot girls, I was obsessed, I loved their style and their make-up HOWEVER every time I saw one I felt awful about the way I looked. So, I unfollowed them all and followed girls that inspired me to think positively, some of these also happen to be super-hot but it’s a very different message they’re promoting. I also used to feel shit when I got tagged in photos, to the point where I deleted Facebook. SILLY SOPHIE. You’re not going to look good in every photo but if you’re feeling good and smiling you will always love it. Most my photos were me pulling a funny gurning face so I had an excuse to look ugly. I know I’m not the only girl that does this. Now I learn to just smile and not worry about the outcome but just enjoy that moment.

I hope this was a little bit helpful and a push in the right direction. If it wasn’t, well, I did write this quite late with my cat lying across my right arm but my intentions were that of purity and love. 

“Now every girl is expected to have Caucasian blue eyes, full Spanish lips, a classic button nose, hairless Asian skin with a California tan, a Jamaican dance hall ass, long Swedish legs, small Japanese feet, the abs of a lesbian gym owner, the hips of a nine-year-old boy, the arms of Michelle Obama, and doll tits. The person closest to actually achieving this look is Kim Kardashian, who, as we know, was made by Russian scientists to sabotage our athletes.” – Tina Fey. 

Slut Shaming. Let’s just stop it yeah

So what is slut shaming? Well, here’s something I pinched from Wikipedia, source of all 100% accurate information about pretty much anything. ‘Slut shaming (also hyphenated, as slut-shaming) is a concept in sexuality. It is a neologism used to describe the act of making any person feel guilty or inferior for certain sexual behaviours or desires that deviate from traditional or orthodox gender expectations, or that which may be considered to be contrary to natural or religious law.’

So in other words, when a girl is more sexually active than average, she gets tarnished with the horrid and disgusting word that is ‘slut’. What is a slut? Most people just call a girl a slut because she’s maybe prone to having one night stands, or wears provocative clothing or speaks in an open and crude manner. My mum often calls me a slut; I’d say she’s called me a slut every week of my life since the age of 11. Of course, my mum still uses the word ‘slut’ in the old fashioned way. A slut used to mean a messy and untidy girl. So by definition, I’m a massive slut. But by modern definition, am I slut? I don’t believe I am but chances are; I’ve been called one.

Slut shaming has only really recently become recognised as a ‘thing’ although it’s been around forever. Let’s take Marylyn Monroe for example, people are still slut shaming her now and the poor woman is dead! What right do any of us have to label somebodies sexual behaviour? I mean, some people like sex, so will act upon this by having lots of sex. Why is this wrong? If no one is getting hurt, why should this person be burnt at the stake? Are we going to start shoving pitchforks up girl’s vaginas if they don’t ‘behave’? How far is this silly shit going to go?

‘…you all have got to stop calling each other sluts and whores. It just makes it ok for guys to call you sluts and whores.’ This quote has resonated in my mind since the moment I heard it. One, because it was said by Tina Fey and I love her so much I could stroke her hair for hours and two, because it’s bloody true! We should be on each other’s side, not battling it out against each other. I’ve got friends that boys have called ‘sluts’ and I’ve stuck up for them. Why? Because they don’t really sleep around? Because they’ve not slept with that many people? NO, they’ve slept with loads of bloody people but the point is I don’t fucking care and this does by no means make them a ‘slut’ it makes them a sexual deviant whom I love. Men calling girls sluts is bad enough, but women doing it is fucking silly. Why are fighting over the stuff that men are high fiving over?

Are we threatened by these ‘sluts’? Do we think they’re going to steal all the men and eat their dicks for breakfast? What is it that we’re all so afraid of that makes us act in this tactless manor. Not every girl that sleeps around will sleep with someone’s boyfriend. So maybe she seeks validation, I think looking at the internet today, it’s fair to say we’re all seeking validation. Or maybe, shock horror, she just enjoys having sex? Instead of putting girls down and making them feel shit for their sexual behaviours, let’s just embrace the fact that we’re living in a society that’s more sexually honest and open that it has ever been. Isn’t that kinda empowering?

Let’s all agree to stop bitching on about how many guys a girls slept with, what she did in the back of that van, what she wore to that party and start high fiving each other for being sex goddess’ and rulers of the world.