An open letter to my 15 year old self.

Dear 15 year old Sophie (known back then as 'Little Soph')

Firstly, I would like to say, you are great. Stop looking in the mirror and feeling shit about yourself, stop letting people be mean to you because you don't believe you deserve any better and for heavens sake, please STOP plucking your eyebrows.

Right now you feel shit, you don't have a close network of friends but don't worry, because by your twenties you will have the greatest friends any girl would wish for. They will be your rock, they will keep you grounded and they will lift you through your darkest times. Remember to treat them with respect and love them unconditionally like they have done to you. You will need them one day more than you ever thought you could need another human being.

Not all boys are wankers. You're about to experience your first ever heart break and it's not the one you imagined, you will find yourself in a horrible and mentally abusive relationship that will tear you apart and leave you adrift from your family. You'll be forced to lie to your family and friends and pretend everything's okay when it's far from okay. This will not end you, you will feel shit for ages and it will change the way you are but ultimately it's what's made you the strong woman you are now. Don't judge all boys on a previous boys standards and morals. Some are really nice and you will be lucky enough to be with some of them. You'll be a prick to them obviously because you're kind of an idiot but I forgive you.

Realise how great your brother is. There will come a day where you will no longer have him in your life. You will feel pain like no other and he will not be there to help you. He may punch you, he may annoy you, he will call you greebo and say you have a mono-brow. In your constant battle with each other you may forget that he helped raise you at times. He babysat you, fed you, helped you when you were sad and looked out for you without you finding out. He is a truly great person and without him you would not be the woman you are now. Cling on to every single second you have with your big brother and love him with every inch of your heart.

Your mum is not your enemy. Stop being so bloody dramatic. You may not have the best relationship with your mum but you are not the only one. You may think that by not letting you out with all the other kids to the underage clubs she is oppressing you but trust me, you've turned out great. Making you do chores from an early age has led you to become a very independent woman, shes the reason you are a feminist and she is the reason you're alright at cooking. You will come to realise how hard it is bringing up two children alone and the troubles she had to face. She's felt more pain than you will ever imagine but would take the burden of yours in an instant. Give her a hug once in a while because birthdays and Christmas's is not enough. Don't be afraid to tell her how you're feeling because every now and then she dishes out good advice. Don't spill stuff on your carpet because she will fucking destroy you. Also, she knows you smoke so just stop spraying Charlie Red. It's disgusting.

Do nice things for people. You will come across a lot of people who are less fortunate than you, always be there for them and try to help them however you can. Do not judge people for what they wear, how they speak or who they associate with. Always take people at face value because that is how you will get through life and make all those amazing friends you now have.

Your boobs grow, at one point they grow really big and it's amazing. They will then shrink again.

You get your braces off eventually but you still feel ugly. Stop being such a baby.

I hate to break it to you but you do not stop getting spots after your teenage years, in fact you get so hormonal  that you get more spots, then you move out and eat shit and get a little bit podgy too. You don't care though because looks aren't everything. Be wonderful inside and it will show on the outside.

Finally, I don't say it enough, but you're okay. You're full of self loathing but have no reason to be. Don't panic over not being the funniest, prettiest, smartest girl in the room. The only person judging you is yourself, relax, be happy and don't take shit from arseholes.

Love from, 23 year old Sophie (known as Sophie because that's my name, you idiot)