How to remain fun-employed when you're unemployed.

I became unemployed on 1st November 2014 and I am going to start employment again on the 26th January 2015. I have been actively seeking work for this entire time, I have also been actively crying most days, eating my own body weight in Nutella, watching Netflix for unhealthy amounts of time, seeing how many crisps I can fit in my mouth (half a pack) and researching how to sell used underwear online. This was not how I envisioned spending my early twenties. In brief, I left my last job because I hated it. Leaving a job before having another one to go to was not one of my finest moments, but for those who know me, it was also not my worst. Now I have a job again I figure I can finally write some advice about getting through this little hiccup that so many of us face.

It's very easy to become disheartened when you can't find work, you have no money and you're forced to move back home and be woken up each night by your cats who you suspect have given you fleas. So here are my five steps to keep positive when you're unemployed...

Step one

Being unemployed means you have little to no money HOWEVER you have lot's of time. Time is extremely valuable, more so than money. (Not really but I'm just trying to make you feel better) With time you can do a lot, such as learn new skills. You may already have a plethora of skills, a super duper fancy degree, but why not have more! Learning is a great way to keep positive, active, and it wont damage your CV. Before I quit my job to become a free spirit (I may have came up with this idea during my visit to Amsterdam) I attended a two day life coaching course. People laughed at me and compared me to Jeremy off Peep Show but it was honestly one of the best things I've done. I was learning new skills meaning I had more options in life. Since then and since quitting my job I have purchased a diploma in CBT, something I went through and that helped me greatly with my depression and a course in children's writing. I am the next Roald Dahl. Such courses are always popping up on Groupon so keep a look out and do something wise with your new found time and who knows, it may find you a new career and broaden your options!

Step two
Know what you're entitled to. I quit my job so I wasn't entitled to a lot. Neither did I want it because I had my credit card and overdraft so I was really organised with my finances. I've met so many millennials that are unemployed and seeking work but don't claim JSA because they're too ashamed. Don't feel bad about having to do this, it's what it's there for and if you need it you need it. You're not going to get a job if you cant fund yourself to get to the interview. Also, internships, eurgh. Please do not undertake an unpaid internship longer than three months. There are many laws around this now and although it's good for you CV, it is not good for your finances and doesn't always guarantee you a job. Look for internships through legit websites such as gothinkbig, media muppet, the guardian etc.

Step three
Stay social. I know this sounds silly because you're meant to be spending all your time job hunting, but this post is about remaining positive and I couldn't have done that without the help of my friends. Do free things! Go to each others houses, feed the ducks, go for runs together, go for one drink and just give yourself a break and let some kind and positive words lift you. Encouragement from friends can do the world of good!

Step four
Launch YO SELF. Never undersell yourself, know your worth and be confident. It's very easy to not apply for something because you think you're not good enough but do it anyway. It's best to just throw yourself in the deep end. If you're struggling with this just try and think of a time you thought you could never do something but you ended up doing it and doing it well. Draw on past successes in order to feel proud about what you've done so far in order to push yourself into going forward.

Step Five
Get a routine. Don't lay in bed all day applying for jobs on your lap. Get up, have your breakfast and do it at a table. Not having a routine can sometimes make you a bit lazy and often feeling fed up and down. Just because you don't have a job doesn't mean you don't have to set an alarm. Plus when you suddenly do start working again you will struggle if you've been having 4 naps a day. A positive mind frame is helped by keeping active!

So, I hope this can be of service for these shitty unemployment woes. Don't let unemployment damage your sass, get out there and do your thang. It's bloody horrid not having an income and feeling worthless but just remember, it WILL happen, sometimes things just take more time.

GOOD LUCK and stay happy. ( I kinda got carried away when looking for just one peep show picture soz)

5 Steps towards Body Positivity.

It’s that time of year where all the ‘New Year, New Me’ fucktard stuff gets thrown around on the internet. So I thought, I would join in. This is the only New Year’s resolution I’m having this year and I really think it should be one for your list too. ‘Be more body positive’. I’ve written out some steps to help you as best I can. (Basically this is just me avoiding dieting because I believe Dorito’s and Guacamole to be better than sex.)

Step One. Understand what ‘body positivity’ is.

Body Positivity is a response to a culture that has conditioned us into thinking that white, skinny, tall, big breasted, long hair is beautiful and everything else is not quite as good. It’s fighting back against the belief that plus size is ugly, that lumps and bumps are gross and muscle means man. Basically, in short, Body Positivity is calling out the bullshit. It’s not about being curvy, or being plus size, or being short, or being tall. It’s about loving the skin you’re in, no matter what skin that happens to be. Being body positive doesn’t mean you’re never allowed to diet or wear make-up or change the way you look. It’s about learning to find the beauty in you and what you have and giving the middle finger to anything that challenges self-love. I.e. women’s magazines (don’t get me started)

Step Two. Begin with the end in sight.

If you’re about to go on a diet, the best advice I can give is to envision yourself at the end. Look at yourself once you’ve lost the weight and ask yourself honestly how you feel. Do you feel happier being a stone lighter? Has this changed your life? Can you do more things now you’ve lost weight? IF yes, then great, lose weight. But really understand before you do anything if it’s actually what you want to do and not what you think you need to do. So many people set themselves goals and by the end of it they realise it’s not actually what they wanted. Some people are happier being a few sizes bigger. Dieting shouldn’t be hard, if you really really want to lose the weight you should be able to do it. If you’re finding dieting an uphill battle every time you attempt it, then stop. Stop and think about what you actually want and what makes you happy. If you need to lose weight for health reason then don’t diet, change your lifestyle, cut out the bad stuff. There’s no need to go to extremes.

Step three. Stalk yourself.

This one sounds weird BUT there’s no better way to learn to love you than stalking yourself. Think about all those girls you stalk in Instagram for ages (don’t lie and pretend you don’t, we all do). You sit in awe at how great their selfies look followed by that shit yourself feeling when you accidentally double tap. Look through your own social media accounts and find pictures you like, I bet you’ll find more than you think. Go back to a time you thought were ‘prettier’ or ‘skinnier’. Now think about if you were happier or not. I look back on photos where I weigh a stone less. It makes me feel so bloody shit but then I know how I felt back then and I wasn’t any happier, I still wasn’t happy about the way I looked. I was a twat that didn’t realise she had abs of steel and an ass that kept on giving.  Now instead of concentrating on the way I look in each photo I’ve picked up the ability to look at the way I’m feeling. Once you master that it’s pretty great and you’ll untag far less photos.

Step four. Own your flaws.

I’ve found that talking openly about my flaws makes it easier for me to accept them. Especially as when I tell people about them they either have never noticed, or have the exact same flaws. It’s always great when you confide in a girl about your cellulite and her reply is “Oh my god I have the same problem”, I mean it’s kinda messed up but it feels good! Once you recognise your flaws you can learn to love them, if not love then at least grow fond of them. My knees for example, I have no knees. I’m not being modest or fishing for compliments, they do not exist, where my knees should be is just a mound of wrinkled fat. No matter how much weight I lose I will never have knees. I’ve learnt to love my cushions knee replacements though, I mean if I ever need to knee a guy in the cock I know that I won’t do much damage. Guys can sleep easy at night knowing that I have chubby knees. Another thing worth doing is finding people, maybe even celebs with similar flaws. I used to feel a bit funny about my stubby fingers until I watched a clip of Elizabeth Taylor laughing about her stubby fingers, my God I have never complained about them again.

Finally. Step five. Know your triggers.

That sounds a bit weird and like you’re the hulk or something. Basically what I mean is what triggers you into feeling shit about your body? Is it when you go clubbing? When you see models in magazines? When you scroll Instagram? Find these triggers and either create a way of you not having to face that or a way to control it and turn it into something positive. For example I used to follow soooooo many insta hot girls, I was obsessed, I loved their style and their make-up HOWEVER every time I saw one I felt awful about the way I looked. So, I unfollowed them all and followed girls that inspired me to think positively, some of these also happen to be super-hot but it’s a very different message they’re promoting. I also used to feel shit when I got tagged in photos, to the point where I deleted Facebook. SILLY SOPHIE. You’re not going to look good in every photo but if you’re feeling good and smiling you will always love it. Most my photos were me pulling a funny gurning face so I had an excuse to look ugly. I know I’m not the only girl that does this. Now I learn to just smile and not worry about the outcome but just enjoy that moment.

I hope this was a little bit helpful and a push in the right direction. If it wasn’t, well, I did write this quite late with my cat lying across my right arm but my intentions were that of purity and love. 

“Now every girl is expected to have Caucasian blue eyes, full Spanish lips, a classic button nose, hairless Asian skin with a California tan, a Jamaican dance hall ass, long Swedish legs, small Japanese feet, the abs of a lesbian gym owner, the hips of a nine-year-old boy, the arms of Michelle Obama, and doll tits. The person closest to actually achieving this look is Kim Kardashian, who, as we know, was made by Russian scientists to sabotage our athletes.” – Tina Fey.